I'm going to miss you forever, Pa. :(♥

Saturday, December 24, 2005

The music started. Everyone was silent. Trying to concentrate on doing what they told us. With the chanting of the song that made me more concentrated, I never expected what will happen next.

Ms. Ajero: “ Isabelle?”
Me: Ms.? Why?
Ms. Ajero being hesitant. She wanted to tell me something.
Ms. Ajero: You’re aunt is here.
Me: Ms. Why? (I was shocked and at the same time nervous)
Ms. Ajero: You’re grandfather died.
(I didn’t say anything. I was in a total shock.)
Ms. Ajero: Get your things. You can now go home.

I received an instant hug from Agot who was beside me that time and a sympathetic “Abbie..” from Niña. I didn’t cry that time. I didn’t know what to do. On my way to the highschool building, my tears weren't falling. The silence made me more devastated about the whole situation. At one point, I said it was all a dream. Sam and Ate Kats already took my things. They were crying. I was still shocked.

Going home while inside the car was like hours. Everything was slow. I was in a hurry to go home to see my mom who I know is the one who should be watched out. My mom isn't very good on handling emotions. My tears suddenly started falling. Remembering my papa's smile and how he will make an effort to tell me something. As you can see, papa already underwent stroke and even bypass. It was his 2nd life, too. He was in the ICU for so long last 2001, I guess. Going back, I arrived home and saw everybody grieving. The chapel was being fixed and even the househelpers were crying. It did hurt me. It was really sudden. I lost my papa in an instant. Questions ran through my head. Why does it have to be today? Why is it very sudden? What did we do? No questions were left unanswered. The answer was simply: I think Papa would like that better.

I'll surely miss my daily routine on going to his favorite chair every morning and kiss him. I'll miss the times when I'll just sing and extend my hand and to my surprise, a one hundred peso bill. I'll miss his famous line: " Putangina mo!", " Oh Diyos ko, kaawaan mo po ako. " " Eh?". Believe it or not, his famous " Putangina mo!" is one of the few words he can say. Hehehe. He's struggling na nga to mention my name e. ;) Weird Papa. :P I know he's watching over me now. I'll surely miss his hand on my shoulders while walking with his "baston" and his "sumbrero". No one now will ever tell me again how beautiful I am. There's a lot of things I'll miss about papa. But one thing's for sure. I'll miss everything about him.

16 years with papa is an accomplishment. 16 years of being close to him made me feel depressed even more. He's part of my daily routine and he'll always be a part of me. I'm happy to know that he's watching over me everyday. It'll be hard for me to let go of him. I've grown attached to Pa. But again, I know he's happy up there.

And as tears fall from my eyes while typing this down, I feel contented for I know he'll be my angel.

I'm going to miss you forever, Pa :(

I'll see you soon.

This is not a hate letter.♥

Sunday, December 11, 2005

"Siyempre. Ikaw pa, bestfriend."

I will never forget that day. You cheered me up for I was really down that time. With that 4 word message you sent me, I've always believed that you'll stay that way.

Time and again, I thought you will always be my best friend though it all started with a gag. But then again, I'm thankful that you tried to portray as my best friend and tried to act as my best friend. You've made me feel that in a way. With your simple acts of kindness and sympathy over my wretched life, I considered you the greatest friend.

You were someone who understood all my peculiar troubles and my innumerable insecurities, someone who cheered me up during the ups and downs of my existence. I never asked God for another friend to replace you! Because I know you'll be the only one who can figure out all the things that has been running through my mind. You were somebody who can appreciate my "ka-cornihan" even if you always annoy me with your "hirits". I still did appreciate that.
I still consider myself fortunate to have met someone who did all this.

Things turned out differently. Yes, it is my fault to be very assuming. You've never really stayed or even been there for me. You were just there when you need something from me. And I've been there for you all along. I don't regret it. I'm not even taking it against you for I was happy to be helping who I thought was best friend. I never really saw the negative upshots of it. Because I know, I was doing it all for you and it will even strengthen our friendship. Still, it didn't. It even made it lose our amity and made a huge gap between us.

Why do I have to sacrifice things just for you to be happy? Or even feel contented? I hope it did somehow make you feel thankful for me, even a bit. Just by knowing that, I'm not regretting on giving up so much for you. I'm satisfied.

Now, it feels like I'm just a stranger to you. It's like it's our first time to know each other even if it has been 3 years. 3 consecutive years of pretending you're my best friend. I might sound stupid here, but that has been my dilemma. If you really consider me as your best friend or is it just because for the name? I'm a little confused. I'm on both sides. Whether I'll hate you and forget our friendship or stay as your "best friend" and still be the same someone who you can run to every time.

But then, I'd rather choose my second option even though I know I'll risk alot again. It's better if you know there's someone you can always reach. Even if you don't do that for me.

And now, I'll be the one to tell you..

"Siyempre, Ikaw pa, bestfriend."

Bata pa ko nun. Part two.♥

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Here I go again. With my nonsensical stories. Nabasa ko kasi yung post ko nung June, if you want to read it, here. click It's about my childhood days, specifically in school and how introverted I was. Hehehe. I wasn't like this before. I was really timid. My classmates would even tease me to speak up. But still I don't. Parang bilang yung masasabi ko. Parang toy na kailangan maglagay ng coin para magsalita (Hehe. I don't ask for money, ah). Hehe. Weird. Yes. But I was like that before.

Let me talk about my CTEC days. And how the teachers worked hard on me, just for me to speak and not to be bashful during presentations. Hahaha! Ganun ako. Mahiyain. Hahahaa. Halata naman kaya hanggang ngayon. Hehe. You better agree with me. Haha. TAWA NA LANG.

Ewan ko ba bakit ako ganun. Parang dead kid na hindi mo maintindihan kasi ang dami ko rin namang friends. O-ha. Weirdo. Autism. Pero pag presentations talaga. DEAD. I can say na, ako ang panira. Hahaha. SUPER KJ.

Christmas presentation namin. The Christmas Alphabet. Letter "I" nga ako nun e. While everybody was so excited with the presentation, I was in a bad mood. I didn't want to present. The audience were all strangers to me. Except for few people, of course. Particularly, Gary Lising. Hahahaha! Autism. Hehe. But I did a great job. Said my part very well without long pauses. Alam kong masaya mga teachers ko nun. Haha.

"The coconut nut is a giant nut.." Yaak. Sinayaw namin yan with maracas pa. Haha. Ang bonjing. Pero what can I do? I was a kid. Ito yung pinaka-untakeable na ginawa ko. Hindi talaga ako sumayaw. TOTALLY. I didn't shake my body. HAHA. Yung kamay ko lang para tumunog yung maracas. Kaya, ginawa nung teacher ko, umakyat ng stage at ginalaw ako. Manual ako e. Hindi automatic. Hahaha. Kahiya ba? Hindi ako nahiya nun. Natuwa pa ko kasi pumunta yung teacher ko sa stage. HEHE

Love team-- Oh shitty. Bata pa lang .. Tsk. Hehe. I think that almost everybody had experiences on being teased to somebody when they were a kid. Ako rin. Hindi naman ako abnormal at alien para hindi maranasan yan. OK LANG. Malamang, wala kong alam sa mga crushes na yan at sa love love na yan. Kaya N.R. PERO narealize ko, sobrang gwapo pala nung inaasar sakin. Speaking of "a love lost forever". Oh suka. Hahaha! He was a commercial model pa nga of Mcdonald's eh. Hindi ko na siya nakikita. Cry. Ano kaya itsura nun ngayon? Pwedeng gwapo siya lalo, gwapo or kuskos na lang parang iba. HEHE. Nung bata lang cute/gwapo. Hehe. Si Sam ang may pinakagwapong "puppy love" turned "doggy love". Hahaha! Sobrang WOAH. HOTTTT. Steam. Haha. Weh. Diba Samantha? I know you'll kill me. HEHE.

Honors- Yes. You read it right. I WAS an honor. 1st honor. Kahit hindi pa ko nagsasalita niyan. HEHE. I didn't get nervous being on stage out of one of the not so many times I've been scared of facing people. Woot woot.

I felt comfortable with it. For being so reserved. But as time went on, it did bore me. It was like I didn't have any social life. DEAD KID.

THE SUSPECT

Abbie. Abbiebells. Bella. Isabelle. Seventeen. Broke. Still functioning. An aspiring photographer. Guitarist of her band, Taken. Wants to study abroad. Will become a dentist. A Komu member since first year. God-fearing. Not a snob. A music enthusiast. An Incubus, TBS and Mae fan. Does sing. Does dance. Currently learning to play the violin.

DEAR LOVIES

Dear reader,

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Since May of 2005 creatures of different kinds visited this blog.